tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35092006545795311082024-02-07T18:19:06.624-08:00The Adventures of PhillysugamammaBuckle Up & Enjoy The Ride...Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-75075583753884689082012-06-20T10:04:00.004-07:002012-06-20T10:04:33.211-07:00+ 1Picture This....<br />
You got tickets to a slamming concert! An artist you love, who do you take? <br />
A new restaurant opened and you are dying to try it, who do you go with? <br />
You get an invitation to a wedding, it says _____________ <---your name here +1...who gets the honor?<br />
<br />
How can a girl have so many options, but NO options at all? Does that even make sense? Of course it doesn't. It's only me and I make stuff up in my head. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia1Oo9L-EWwnQcORoKeiQUDaXiOFUxBhoToVhlmmYxrRcqjK8JTdagKvzfSd-c6QsZQ4F7px9Dt5_t_UeQ84KIAssE4OYW5xD8QB-newp9Sl24tpxsNr5qGe5CxdKeVpKQc-zBWMtXD2M/s1600/options.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
As a <s>young </s> educated, professional, beautiful African American woman living in #Philly, I have lots of options when it comes to dates-guys I know, guys I went to school with, guys I met along lifes trails, guys I am following/friends with on social media networks (and those that follow me :-)) .BUT sometimes when I really examine the "list" for a social event, work event etc, I realize I don't have such a plethera of options. I do not want to feel forced to take someone I'd rather not take, for the sake of saying I have a date when the truth is that something about them irks me or turns me off. Sometimes I wish I could take<i> this</i> persons face and put it on <i>this </i>persons body; take <i>this</i> persons brain and place it in <i>this </i>persons head; take <i>this</i> persons sense of humor and put it on another body; stretch <i>this </i>person out, make him a little taller...take<i> his</i> manerisms give them to <i>him</i>...you get my drift...right? <br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia1Oo9L-EWwnQcORoKeiQUDaXiOFUxBhoToVhlmmYxrRcqjK8JTdagKvzfSd-c6QsZQ4F7px9Dt5_t_UeQ84KIAssE4OYW5xD8QB-newp9Sl24tpxsNr5qGe5CxdKeVpKQc-zBWMtXD2M/s1600/options.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia1Oo9L-EWwnQcORoKeiQUDaXiOFUxBhoToVhlmmYxrRcqjK8JTdagKvzfSd-c6QsZQ4F7px9Dt5_t_UeQ84KIAssE4OYW5xD8QB-newp9Sl24tpxsNr5qGe5CxdKeVpKQc-zBWMtXD2M/s1600/options.jpg" /></a> </div>
THEN half of these busters when I think about it maybe I dont REALLY know. The dating phase we see in movies, and shows..or used to see for that matter, doesnt seem to be happening. With the invention of the internet-social media networks, skype, tango
and the likes have made dating in 2012 very challenging. Deja Vu'! I
feel like I have typed that before...you often know too much or too
little about a person before a in person meeting. We have no social skills The average "get to know" period shrinks,
because people become to familiar with each other too fast. No courting
needed. Hi, my twitter name is ____, meet my "representative"...I say representative because you never truly meet the REAL person behind that
avi until its too late. By then you have invited a person into your life, you
normally wouldnt have given a second thought. You are suckered in, you took him somewhere ( to an event ) he should not have been invited to, was introduced to your "peeps" and now you have a person listed in your phone as "Do Not Answer"<br />
<br />
*SIGH*<br />
<br />
#mylife <br />
<br />Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-23002375572410142602012-06-07T11:53:00.002-07:002012-06-26T12:33:16.072-07:00Ladies...Ease Up..Is it okay for YOUR man to go to the strip club...I say yes, sure it is, but then again he isn't my man. He is yours.<br />
<br />
It is okay for my man to go to the strip club? Hell yeah!<br />
<br />
You probably thought I was going to say no. No way! If that is what he enjoys, then let him go to the damn strip club with the boys. He doesnt stop you from going to your book club meetings, the hair salon, and other places us women like to "escape" to or frequent on a regular basis. Give him his space. Let him go. Let him go there, so when he gets home, he knows how to appreciate what he has at home. <br />
<br />
For most men, its a place to view some eye candy, let his "hair down" and kick it with his boys. Now if he has a serious porn addition that's something else, and something I don't intend to address in this here forum. But I have been to the strip club enough times with guys, now that I have gotten older, to realize that it is all in fun and that the women are mere "backdrops" of the venue that are frequenting. Don't feel pressured to do anything he said he saw, or things you think he saw, SOME of that stuff is strictly for entertainment
purposes and you need to be properly trained to do it! LOL! I aint lyin'!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsugARxX7_QFUcUf2YSNYqnQwAp4u2JWKnq6K_gateszU9RVxdCE588-iZwTwGxJ0wI42jnf6BVPsCdab34W6_Y7WVTcP5B54ep7Cbl-Q0vO1KUEDeSrMbLwe6jp2ypiqjnx1uaZXLbP0/s1600/pole.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsugARxX7_QFUcUf2YSNYqnQwAp4u2JWKnq6K_gateszU9RVxdCE588-iZwTwGxJ0wI42jnf6BVPsCdab34W6_Y7WVTcP5B54ep7Cbl-Q0vO1KUEDeSrMbLwe6jp2ypiqjnx1uaZXLbP0/s1600/pole.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
What I really think is, heck you should go with him! You might learn a few new tricks to try at home AND you wont have to pay for your drinks while you are there. Remember to do what you feel is comfortable to spice up your sex life.
Don't feel pressured, to be a "stripper" at home but dont be a prude
either. That wont work.<br />
<br />
There is a balance to everything. Trust me.<br />
<br />
Now what I dont think we need are herds of women flocking to the strip clubs <u>without men</u>. Its not our gathering place, although we are welcome. (Some places wont let you in after a certain time without a guy) Let the boys have something to themselves unless you are invited. You go in there half naked and dancing -taking attention from the people who get paid to do what you are often "imitating". You dont tip the ladies. That's not fair to them. From what I was told they pay to be able to dance in those establishments. So ladies don't go if you're not invited and don't be a nuisance.Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-25965870701592144652012-06-07T11:36:00.004-07:002012-06-07T13:29:35.270-07:00Suffering In Silence<div style="text-align: center;">
You ever cry and not know you are crying? No? <i>Just me</i>..okay...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvrWUPYNGytw_-J4l1BSXi6ACAONCzU6dhK3Pkp1N-lEwJMD36Yq5rBJUHHYIE-PWVKJN5_8O1peV9DwtFCKwcPIa678oGvB_jU5yHUQVsYuB9QSa9mDF8gRynhEeHlNxoLQv_cu9P3jA/s1600/tears.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvrWUPYNGytw_-J4l1BSXi6ACAONCzU6dhK3Pkp1N-lEwJMD36Yq5rBJUHHYIE-PWVKJN5_8O1peV9DwtFCKwcPIa678oGvB_jU5yHUQVsYuB9QSa9mDF8gRynhEeHlNxoLQv_cu9P3jA/s320/tears.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Well that was me this morning. I pulled into the McDonalds drive thru near the job, looked in the mirror to see how bad my hair looked and surprisingly saw a wet face. I wasnt sweating. I didn't forget to dry my face after I washed it. I didn't get caught in the rain. after a moment, I knew what it was...and where the tears came from. See when the tears start flowing and you cant feel them, its usually when you are at your wits end. It means there is nothing to say. You are waving your white flag, letting God, your best friend, a police officer, a neighbor-somebody - know you need help. <br />
<br />
See, I went to sleep angry last night and I guess I should not have been surprised when I woke up somewhat later than normal and my day began to go haywire bubbling over with the anger and frustration that has been looming in my head for weeks. In case you didnt know I currently, care for someone with severe mental health <i>and</i> intellectual diasabilites. Double wammy-right? Shoot me now.<br />
<br />
It seemed somewhat manageable before but now that the baby is here, I <span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>swearforgawd</i></b></span>, things have gotten CRAZIER (for a lack of words) in my home. Your home is supposed to be your personal space, your safe haven, it's yours-right. But lately I don't want to go home. I don't want to be there. I don't want to do anything to it. I don't want to clean, buy anything, paint anything, or dust anything. Nothing. I want it and everything and everyone in it to disappear. My interactions and conversations with my sister have turned into fights. Simple questions and requests have turned into shouting matches. Simple normal dialogues have turned into arguments. I have said things I am not particularly proud of. I mean I have to argue with her about taking a shower. Really? The arguments have gotten physical. Today I almost ran her head through the wall. My house and furniture look like a herd of cows ran through it and frankly I am worn out. I am tired of fixing things and fighting. It's someone ELSE'S turn. And yes I have heard the proverb "to much is given..much is required", but some day's-forgive me Lord-I say take back some of these blessings, because its not worth the struggle. This doesn't seem even. Lord you are not playing fair with me.<br />
<br />
And then there are days I only want to be home. To hide from the world so I don't have to answer questions.<br />
<br />
Today's blog is because I am feeling discouraged and need to vent. Feeling like I am doing this all alone. Feeling like I am going to have to live the rest of my life, like a prisoner-for a crime I didn't commit. And no one understands. No one gets it. You see, they have all of these support programs for people with mental illness and/or intellectual disabilities, but yet they do not provide any real services to folks because there is no funding. In addition adults, can refuse services, so we have all these people who need counseling, medication, attention- walking the streets -getting worse. My sister thinks she doesnt need medication or counseling. She is fine. She had a baby. She is a mom. Her common phrase is "you aint my payee, cause I don't need one". Oh okay. So because of this claus she is free to be who she is. Nasty, mean, ungrateful, lost and dependent on someone else. me. You see my sister didnt ask to be this way. She was born this way. She
was born to a drug-addicted woman who thought bringing another child in this world addicted to drugs and possible chemical imbalances was the thing to do. Go figure, no one talked her out of it..I know for a fact my mother was pro-choice, so what the hell happened-other than the obvious.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFtnPxPeewjQcUjn4sxuBowpQrK0jW33ICzUkPhd2ufqV82Ps0_bRJntfGbnVdmfAySYq-644JyerU2lxera_ZCV_bwx1uzBES2AtHlkvNDDIPZaiexDDoN4gnYA0d3O9oVrlI6VBArQ/s1600/mentalhealth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiFtnPxPeewjQcUjn4sxuBowpQrK0jW33ICzUkPhd2ufqV82Ps0_bRJntfGbnVdmfAySYq-644JyerU2lxera_ZCV_bwx1uzBES2AtHlkvNDDIPZaiexDDoN4gnYA0d3O9oVrlI6VBArQ/s320/mentalhealth.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
So today at work I continue to look for solutions to end my imprisonment. Wine doesn't seem to be the answer and its getting kind of expensive. I don't want to turn into a wino (remember: alcoholics go to meetings, drunks go to parties) I'm looking for residential programs (for her), that you need a state funded CONSOLIDATED waiver for. A waiver that has a waiting list of thousands of names. Those names will undoubtedly remain on the list for the next several years, because we never have enough money and currently we have a governor and elected officials who don't see the value in mental health and intellectual disability support services. If we had more elected officials and people who cared about fully funding and making resources accessible such as affordable health care coverage, reproductive health care services, kinship care support, basic education, special education, and substance abuse prevention programs-just to name a few would have prevented me from crying in the McDonald's parking lot this morning. But since this doesn't appear to be a reality in Pennsylvania any time soon, I continue to suffer in silence.<br />
<br />Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-39264608151451272322012-03-16T13:55:00.000-07:002012-06-26T12:34:50.202-07:00Raising #Peanut<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I tried to deny it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I tried to avoid it. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I tried to laugh it off. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I even cried about it a couple of times-okay I'm lying-maybe a dozen. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I even tried to do it from a distance. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">It has taken me a minute to realize it....but no matter how I have masked it, how I have hid it, how I have avoided it. Yesterday I had to face it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I am a mom. A <span style="color: #333333;">umi. A <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="return hotwordOneClick(this);" onmouseout="this.style.color='#333333';this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseover="this.style.color='#0055bb';this.style.cursor='pointer'" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;">ma,</span></span><span style="color: #4d4e51;"> <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="return hotwordOneClick(this);" onmouseout="this.style.color='#333333';this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseover="this.style.color='#0055bb';this.style.cursor='pointer'" style="cursor: default;"></span><span style="color: #333333;"></span>mama,</span><span style="color: #4d4e51;"> </span><a href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/matriarch" jquery1331926609718="84" onmousedown=""><span style="color: #4d4e51; text-decoration: none;">matriarch</span></a><span id="hotword">, <span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="return hotwordOneClick(this);" onmouseout="this.style.color='#333333';this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseover="this.style.color='#0055bb';this.style.cursor='pointer'" style="color: #333333; cursor: default;"><span style="color: #333333;"></span>matron,</span></span><span style="color: #4d4e51;"> </span><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="return hotwordOneClick(this);" onmouseout="this.style.color='#333333';this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseover="this.style.color='#0055bb';this.style.cursor='pointer'" style="cursor: default;"></span>mommy,</span><span style="color: #4d4e51;"> </span><span style="color: #333333;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="return hotwordOneClick(this);" onmouseout="this.style.color='#333333';this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseover="this.style.color='#0055bb';this.style.cursor='pointer'" style="cursor: default;"></span>mum,</span><span style="color: #4d4e51;"> </span><span style="color: #0055bb;"><span id="hotword" name="hotword" onclick="return hotwordOneClick(this);" onmouseout="this.style.color='#333333';this.style.cursor='default'" onmouseover="this.style.color='#0055bb';this.style.cursor='pointer'" style="cursor: pointer;"></span><span style="color: black;">mumsy. A</span></span><span style="color: #4d4e51;"> </span><a href="http://thesaurus.com/browse/parent" jquery1331926609718="85" onmousedown=""><span style="color: #4d4e51; text-decoration: none;">parent</span></a>. A guardian. A single mom. A sole provider for <i>someone else</i>. And not just anyone else. A baby. Someone who can not speak for themselves, can’t walk, can’t do any of things-yet-that we adults voluntarily do. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I think the reason I was clearly in denial or in the clouds, playing Aunt T T, for the past year, is because I didn’t physically give birth to her. You see #peanut is my niece. She is my sisters child. I didn’t have unprotected sex or purposely baby making sex to give birth to this bundle of joy. I hadn't met Mr Right or <i>Mr. He'll Do</i>. In fact she by way of her mother was literally dropped in my lap. Like a bomb. One day my sister says she is pregnan and with all her mental and emotional challenges decides on HER own she doesn’t want abortion and doesn’t want to put the baby up for adoption. That SHE in fact is going to take care of this child, when in fact SHE can not take care of herself. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">So 10 months later, I parented from afar, but as many of my friends know and have seen, I really wasn’t that far. In fact if it wasn’t for them I probably wouldn’t have been able to make it this far as a single mom. Ha! Imagine telling a nice gentleman that you have a <u>baby.</u> Not a kid. <u>A whole baby</u>. Immediately with eyes of judgment and a tone only Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas could appreciate, comes the “you said she is 1 years old?” Immediately I begin to feel like a harlet, a jezebel… I mean who has a 1 year old and already is on the dating scene…car seat and all?!?!?!? ME. Phillysugamamma. The nerve of me, right? I then begin to explain the situation. “You see, my sister…” Then HIS tone changes, the eyebrows even out, he wants to go on a date…okay. Solid. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">*SIGH*</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">How much longer? Forever. What made me realize this, you ask? Well I can tell you when it didnt happen. It didnt happen when she was waking the entire house up in the middle of the night for a bottle. It didnt happen at her first birthday party. It didnt happen when I was shopping in Target in <span style="font-size: small;">stilettos</span> for diapers. It didnt happen the day, I signed the custody papers. Sometimes God speaks to us in the strangest of ways. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
Yesterday was a normal day. I woke up, got dressed, got #Peanut dressed and ready for daycare. We got in the car. I talked to her. Told her to be good. Told her to play nicely. Told her that I would see her later on. I got out of the car, and carried her to the door. The staff greeted us with their normal cheer and #Peanut began to wale. She cried and wouldn’t let me go. I told her she had to go to daycare and that I would see her later. She cried some more. The staff person took her inside. I sat in my car. Sad. I couldn’t figure out what had just transpired and why I , Aunt T T was sad. why?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">After work, I did my normal weekly routine. I hopped in the car and speed to the hairdresser for glam and girl talk. Found a fabulous parking spot and was on time. I walked inside, chatted with the girls, got a “spot” and then went to get my hair washed. As I sat at the wash bowl in the hairdresser preparing to be “molded”, my phone began to ring. The number that flashed was from the day care . I immediately panicked. What had happened? My OTHER sister who was supposed to pick her up from day care didn’t. No one had picked her up. #Peanut was there. All alone. Waiting for someone to arrive. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I ran out of the salon with a plastic cap and everything! I could hear my salon buddies and my stylist screaming “slow down”, “be careful” and asking “what the hell happened?”. I had to go. I had to go immediately, plastic cap and all. <i>Mr. Right wasnt gonna be out there today anyway and if he was, I pray he likes plastic</i>! (all kinds of plastic- I digress) #Peanut needed me. She was depending on ME to pick her up. Nobody else had. I couldn’t let her down.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">And that’s when it hit me. <s>I was</s> I am a mom. I mean what kind of people, go speeding down Haverford Avenue with a plastic cap on their heads in West Philly? What kind of people ignore the Mary Kay lady trying to give them catalogs on the corner? What kind of people turn right on red lights when the sign says not to? What kind of people bang on the day care door with plastic caps on, ferociously and apologetically saying “I can’t believe shit”. What kind of people are at ease and began smiling when they see a smiling #Peanut in the arms of the daycare worker waiting to be whisked away to safety.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Moms. Those kind of people. <s>They make the world go round.</s> Their world revolves around #Peanuts</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I am a mom.</span>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-11085952195762184552012-02-29T13:48:00.000-08:002012-02-29T13:48:21.726-08:00The End...<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> <span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">It’s been a minute since I blogged, primarily because of the baby, the new job and of course, the ever challenge and fear of me getting too personal with my situations. Nevertheless, back by popular demand, as I introduce to some and reintroduce to others</span></span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">à</span></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> ME.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">As I approach another birthday, I find the need to purge emotionally, mentally and spiritually and put closure on some things in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I probably need to purge <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">physically</i>, but that would be a clear sign of anorexia and you know Black girls are not known for that….anyway- As they say, out with the old and in with the new. There are some things that I just need to "throw the towel in" on–primarily relationships-and start a new journey. In actuality I am very upset with myself, in all honestly it shouldn't take 365 days for me (or you) to realize something isn’t working or someone isn’t working in my (your) best interest, but as women what do we do....we drag our feet, we make excuses, we</span><span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"> know that “moving on” is so hard to do and we say things like “moving on isn’t really in our nature”. We are emotional, we are sensitive and we are expected to bear the burden and do it all for everybody.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you are like what is Phillysugamamma talking about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m talking about anything in general that is not working in your life, specifically today; I am talking about the current dating situation many of my friends are in.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Well ladies (and gentlemen) its 2012, and our mothers, grandmothers, aunts and sisters are dying from stress, heart disease, cholesterol, broken hearts and every health disparity that is indicative of not putting <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">our </i>own needs first. We have to stop making excuses, and do what is best for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remove people from our lives that do not deserve to be in the front row-or in the audience for that matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you get rid of the dead weight in your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Sometimes we block our own blessings.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">My new motto:</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">If it makes me sad, it’s gone</span></span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">If it makes me mad, I’m gone.</span></span></i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Every person knows their breaking point but why should we wait until then...maybe you didn’t get the promotion you deserved, maybe he didn’t come home, maybe he said he can’t leave her yet…Well what are YOU going to do about it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sit around and wait for more disappointment?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most often we see the dead end before we get to the end of the road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we see it coming, we need to begin to rethink the direction we are going in and re-channel our energy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turn around, forge another path, make our own way.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">Whatever the breaking point is for you, know when to throw the towel in before it gets thrown on you. I have 58 days to get rid of the BS, and I’m starting today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t turn another year older, and not learn from the mistakes of the past year and not do something different. It’s time to start another chapter.</span></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span><br />
<br />
</span>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-37830956060624252802011-08-19T09:28:00.000-07:002012-06-26T12:35:35.218-07:00what is a lie?<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-size: 11pt;">According to Wikipedia, the free on-line encyclopedia, a lie (also called prevarication, falsehood) is a type of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deception" title="Deception">deception</a> in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive others. <i>To lie</i> is to state something with disregard to the truth with the intention that people will accept the statement as truth. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">The other day at happy hour, I was having a conversation with one of my girls...about lying. We were trying to categorize what a lie is. She said a lie is when you purposely do not tell the truth. I agreed with her. I then added that I thought lying was also when you do not answer questions at all or purposely leave pieces out. You know- when people avoid the question entirely and change the subject or when you ask a double wammy question and the person only answers one part on purpose.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">So at that very moment, at luck would have it, a living breathing example of a lie appeared. I found out a guy I had been crushing on actually had a girlfriend. Here's how it went down. Picture this we are at happy hour and we are talking about a book my girlfriend just read that I am now reading, called <i>A Belle In <place w:st="on">Brooklyn</place></i>. {Sidear: if you haven’t read it, please grab a copy, its good!!!) Anyway the book describes the authors’ adventures and rules for living the single life. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">So anyway we are all at happy hour sitting at the bar -glancing at the book- me, some friends and my crush. Now I definitely know when I met him, he didn’t have a girl-and in all honestly I didn’t want to be his girl (at that point). So we are talking about the book and the single life <i>and I am sure that we all fall victim to the he didn’t answer my question situation so pay attention. </i>He says “the book is about the single life? I’m not reading that.” My girl says, “it’s a good book…well...are you single?” A pregnant pause happens here, the subject changes and he orders a drink. WTF!! <i> </i>In that very instance I said “see, he just lied to us. Weren’t we just talking about lies.” My girl, who is a very good listener, says “oh no he said he didn’t have a girl, he was single.” I pointed out “no, he didn’t answer the question”. She says “no he said he was single.” I call him over and repeat the question, he looks at me, as she says “didn’t you say you were single.” He says “no, you’re right I didn’t answer the question.” I reiterated the point and that’s when he said, “yeah you right I didn’t answer.” Finally he mumbles something that sounded like he said “I’m not single.”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">He never told me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">He didn’t answer the question until I pointed it out.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">He lied to me. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I’m not calling him a liar, but….if the bow tie fits…</span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 11pt;">A <b><a href="http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/liar" title="wikt:liar">liar</a></b> is a person who is lying, who has previously lied, or who tends by nature to lie repeatedly—even when <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_liar" title="Compulsive liar">not necessary</a>. Lying is typically used to refer to deceptions in oral or written communication. Other forms of deception, such as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disguise" title="Disguise">disguises</a> or <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forgeries" title="Forgeries">forgeries</a>, are generally not considered lies, though the underlying intent may be the same.Serious lies (such as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perjury" title="Perjury">perjury</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fraud" title="Fraud">fraud</a>, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defamation" title="Defamation">defamation</a>) are <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punish" title="Punish">punishable</a> by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law" title="Law">law</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="font-size: 11pt;">Men who lie about their relationship status in my humble opinion should be punished by law. Unfortunately <i>and fortunately</i> there are enough women that they can tell the truth about their relationship status and they will still get what they want from them. Why lie?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-77680166591434771212011-08-18T14:52:00.000-07:002011-08-19T08:58:55.499-07:00I dont need you to tango...or do I?<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">So a little while ago when I was checking up on my celebrity gossip I discovered low and behold-guess who they said was/is pregnant with twins??? Kim Kardashian’s sister. Yup. Khloe. The headlines are swearing she is pregnant with twins and being clear to mention that this isn’t the official announcement because her and Lamar do not want to overshadow Kim’s wedding. Gimme-a-break. I mean of course, several questions come to mind…how far along is she?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do they know its twins? Did she get in vitro fertilization? Why is in vitro fertilization among celebs the thing to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The reason these many of these celebs are running to do with has more to do with choice than need. I believe they want to choose the number of kids (twins, triplets, the sex, timing etc), rather than let nature take its course. </span>Well I am here to tell you it isn’t just our favorite celebrities J-Lo, Kloe Kardashian, Evelyn from basketball Wives (she wants twins) getting in vitro. Your next door neighbor, you co-worker and your college roomate are all doing it. However their reasons are slightly different.</span></span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">IVF or in <a href="http://worldvillage.com/httpreliableinfertilityanswers-comivf-statistics##">vitro fertilization</a> remains one of the more effective solutions to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">infertility</i>. The numbers of successful births from <a href="http://worldvillage.com/httpreliableinfertilityanswers-comivf-statistics##">IVF</a> have steadily grown in the last decade. However, it is still an expensive procedure, costing upwards of $12,000 per cycle and often requiring multiple cycles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Growing up, old folks used to say that in vitro fertilization was the thing “white women” did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t until I got older that I learned that after a certain age the percentage of African American women and Caucasian women who use assisted reproductive technology’s (ART) such as in vitro fertilization were about equal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of these women have decided on ART-not completely because they are having infertility issues, but because they are having <strong><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">man </i></strong>issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They long for a family of their own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure they could adopt or become a big sister, but these women long for a child to call their own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They long for a baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Does it really take two to tango? Do you really need a "man" to have a baby? I mean don’t get me wrong, women have been rearing children by themselves for decades-without the help of a husband or a man biologically related to the child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure you have a Uncle Ray-that lives down the street or a Uncle Eddie that taught you how to drive…but most of those (in that time) were situational kinds of things...your father passed away, your mom and dad broke up-after you were born,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>mom and dad got a divorce etc…things just didn’t work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But more and more women as they get older are “purposely” having “purposely made” children-with or without a man. They have proclaimed that they haven’t found the right man, they are growing older and their eggs are shriveling up!! "They are shouting we want a baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but what we are not hearing is that they don’t want the "hassle" of a no good baby dad. </span></div><span style="font-size: 11pt;">So here’s the question is it better to not know who left the sperm at the sperm bank, than to have to tell someone that Ray Ray is your "baby fatha"?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I often wonder what does this say about us a society.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That we don’t need a man, surely children need two parents. Or do they?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I was raised primarily in a single parent household.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I am somewhat accomplished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I've done a few things here and there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does that make my mother a bad person because things didn’t work between her and my father?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why is it okay to be a parent via IVF vs being a single parent because things did not work out between the mother and father?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think they are the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know people who grew up in two parent households and are a damn train wreck. I know folks who were raised by a single parent that are well accomplished. Is there really a difference? Stop spending all that money on IVF and give Ray Ray some play! </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-56039987922865090202011-08-18T14:34:00.000-07:002011-08-18T14:34:34.408-07:00Let's wait awhile...<span style="font-size: 11pt;">..for what???</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Ladies as we grow older and really learn what makes us “tick” within relationships…we realize our needs and wants regarding our sexual behaviors and activities tend to change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Changes are often around the frequency of sex, the length of time we are getting it in, requirements about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">HIS tools and abilities</i>, and our level of commitment to a guy before we give it up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Many times we meet men who give us butterflies and we want to jump their bones “on spot”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We meet men that are not our type and they slowly grow on us and we use the sex (when it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">GREAT</i>) to justify being with that person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed, we also have male friends and we teeter on whether we should cross the line. We have that “we just met, I had too much to drink and I accidentally had sex with him” sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And last but not least we always have that one ex whose house we end up stopping by cause we happen to be in the neighborhood –and its only a plus that he knows how to make your toes curl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>:-)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">As I grow <s>older </s><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wiser</i>, and since apparently I am *<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">cues music <b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: #993366;">Single Life</span></i></b> by Cameo* living the single life, </span>I wonder how long should we (yes you) make a brotha wait??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do the traditional- make him wait high school rules get thrown out the door because you (not me) are now 30 something??</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">In his book {and soon to be movie,} <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Act Like a Lady</i>,<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Think like a Man</i> Steve Harvey says wait 90 days...I have girlfriends who say wait a month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Personally my grandmother used to say make him pay for it! She didn’t give a time frame and no my grandmother was not promoting prostitution , but more so make him work for it, make sure he earns it, make him COURT you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Court-wow! When is the last time you heard that word in the context of dating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Been a while, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the other hand, I have other girlfriends that say "you will know when the time is right"…but do we really ever know when the time is right AND more importantly does it REALLY matter after a certain age???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean once you hit 30 do all the rules still apply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bottom line if do women over 30 really have that kind of time?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well it really depends on what you want…</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I mean besides the important questions that I have listed below what do you REALLY have to wait for? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many partners have you had? How many partners have you had unprotected sex with? Have you ever had sex with a man? Have you had any STI’s or STD’s? STI/STD stands for sexually transmitted infections/diseases {for those of you still saying VD, catch up}? When was the last time you had an STD test?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When was the last time you had a HIV test? WHAT WERE THE RESULTS?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Should I or shouldn’t I? In her recent CD, Jill Scout shouts aloud <em>"I’m making you wait for the fifth date- I need to know if you’re worthy</em>.."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think this waiting question is personal and depends on what you are looking for before and after you have sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What does worthy mean to you? Does it mean he passed a clean bill of health? He has a job? 1½ kids, car, house, all his teeth….what are you worth and what do you want?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No I’m not saying have sex on the first night (or not) because he said yes –and has proof of his answers to all of the questions above but if a man is only our for sex what difference does it make if you give it to him on the 1st day or make him wait the long gruesome 90 days-really? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Frankly, I think the sooner the better, that way you haven’t wasted a lot of time and energy into something that he (or you) for that matter aren’t interested in developing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you get to check out the goods-insert smiley face here _______.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who wants to wait 90 days, have bad sex and mentally you all wrapped up in a guy ready to jump the broom-only to cheat on him or divorce him cause the sex sucks-No pun intended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That relationship isn’t going anywhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think many times we make things bigger than what they are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is okay for a woman to admit she has a sexual attraction to a man and keep it moving-right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it turns out to be more, than great, you have a win win-a good relationship and good sex.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Disclaimer:</span></b><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> Actually it takes at least 20 minutes to get a rapid HIV test and I am sure when you are at the club and you meet a guy, there aren’t too many places open that time of night to get tested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recommend waiting at least 2 days, so he can get at the very least a rapid HIV test the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then you can get it in :-)</span></div>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-58523202035152291502011-06-21T07:52:00.000-07:002011-06-21T07:52:59.641-07:00A woman's worth...<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">I was recently <s>cyber stalking</s> on a friends Facebook page and came across his new status.</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-hansi-font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"> </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;"> There was a Romanian Proverb as his status that read </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #ff6600; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-language: HE;">"</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i><span lang="EN" style="color: #ff6600; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">Do not put your spoon into the pot which does not boil for you</span></i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who was he talking about? Me…? My spoon? He better not be….seriously. Was he trying to send me a hint?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OMG, he doesn’t like me and its on FACEBOOK.</span></b><br />
<h6><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">As always my cyber stalking made me think about the current status of the single/still dating/friends with benefits fairly young African American woman. You know, the bigger picture, cause everything isn’t always about ME…as I would like to think…<br />
<br />
But wait…first, let me confess. I was on somebody’s page that I actually had no business on. Someone who's doesn't boil for ME on a regular basis…but I couldn’t resist checkin’ up on him. You know, see who he is quoting, see if he changed his profile picture, see how he is feeling, where is he going to be later, etc, etc. <i>Background information</i>: We will call him AL. <place w:st="on"><state w:st="on">AL</state></place> is handsome, has a good job, seems fairly stable, no sign of baby momma drama, no sign of mental instabilities, and has that <span style="color: red;">Philly Swag</span> that I love. *SIGH* AL is someone I like, but in the time that I have known him I have come to realize that <i>AL’s just not that into me</i>. Seriously. I mean a girl knows when a guy wants her. No matter how busy he is, not matter how many other obligations he has-she knows. She can feel it. The thought of Al gives me butterflies…The site of <state w:st="on"><place w:st="on">AL</place></state> gives me butterflies…but I don’t think I give him butterflies. </span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Insert teardrops here----> _______________.</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;"> <br />
<br />
What I have come to learn (over and over and over again), is that men are predators by nature. When they want something THEY go after it…and frankly I don’t think he has been acting very "predator like" since…well….ever. Anyway, I digress. Okay, no more cyber stalking. I promise. </span></h6><h6><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">The moral of the story...that I haven’t gotten to, because I had to do so much explaining-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">as you know background information is key to making an informed decision-</i>is that we as women need to know our worth. I know it sounds like my settling blog, but keep up, its my know your worth blog. #thanks<br />
<br />
When is enough, enough? Let’s take a trip down memory lane….Remember the sitcom, </span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Parkers/oThe%20Parkers"><span style="color: windowtext;">The Parkers</span></a>.</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">Remember Monique’s character, she played the role of Nicole "Nikki" Parker and she LOVED herself some Professor Oglesby. Everywhere he was, she showed up. If he liked it, she loved it. The unfortunate part of the story is that man ran from her, he hid from her; he did nothing to give her the inclination that he liked her. He ignored her. He did nothing to receive her affection and she kept trying. Episode after episode. It was always something new. She kept on. She chased him-hard. Each week we sat at home and we laughed at Nikki, when it went into syndication and they showed re-runs we watched intensely. Not realizing the sad part of the story is that there is a little Nikki in many of us. Sure it was funny on the television show,</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> but in real life it really isn’t. In real life, women that act like that start to look desperate, lonely, uncomfortable with being by themselves-in addition to being just plan annoying.</span><span style="font-family: "MS Mincho"; font-size: 11pt; mso-ascii-font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-bidi-font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;"><br />
<br />
Women WE need to know our worth. We need to make them work for <u>IT</u> and reciprocate <u>IT</u>. We are worth working for. Work for our attention, affection, our intimacy, our love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really doesn’t take much. Just a little effort. If he is not "boiling for you"-courting, dating, perusing, pursuing, calling, texting, facebooking, tweeting, bbm’ing you...then Ladies you definitely need to take YOUR spoon elsewhere. You don’t need him to tell you he isn’t interested. The signs are there. No need in having your spoon sit in hot water-for nothing-it needs to be bubbling. Make him chase you, you need to be <s>prayed</s> preyed on…In other words, if he isn’t working to get your attention or you then you gotta move….take the hint (or hints) and try a new pot...<br />
<br />
I know I will...</span></h6>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-86704363801362722512011-06-14T12:29:00.000-07:002011-06-14T12:32:24.253-07:00Friends...how many of us have them....<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><b>Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with -</b>-sex and the city</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every girl <em>needs</em> a girl. No, I’m not speaking of having a “girl” in a lesbian way, but in a friendly way. Let me start over and explain. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Every girl needs a girlfriend. Every girl needs girlfriends. Girlfriends are there for you during the good times and the bad. Girlfriends are who you call when you need advice, when you need to vent, when you need to complain, and when you need to laugh. Girlfriends help you grow. Girlfriends push you to grow. Girlfriends celebrate your successes, help you break the windows out his car, and help you fix what is wrong. Girlfriends, support you when you are right and when you are wrong. Girlfriends tell you not to wear those tights again, suggest lip-gloss shades and they always know where the good sales are going to be. Girlfriends are there during your life transitions- marriage, babies, divorces, break-ups, moving, new jobs...</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Girlfriends provide consistency in your life.</span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">There are just somethings only a girlfriend will understand. <em>Trust me.</em></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Good girlfriends are a gift from the man (or woman) above.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Sometimes it's helpful for girls to have multiple sets of girlfriends. Luckily for me, I have Sorors, girlfriends from my elem-high school days, work girlfriends, college girlfriends and neighborhood girlfriends. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">I often tell my male friends that are still on the dating scene, if they meet a girl and she doesn’t have any girlfriends then they need to run in the other direction. I mean there has to be something wrong with a woman with no female friends. We learned how to make friends in Pre-School...and you still haven’t mastered it? Oye Ve'! I hear females all the time say <em>"I don’t get along with other girls".</em> Well I think that is the stupidest thing to say. How do you not have any girlfriends? You only have one? Not Good. How can you not get along with other women? What are you doing? Are you an instigator? A liar? Have a bad jealous streak? Is the reason you don’t have any girlfriends is because you do not know how to be a friend. I get it, now!!! We need to start with the basics. You need to repeat your formative school years. Go back to Pre-School and learn how to share crayons and what it means to be a friend- I dont care if you have a PhD...you dont have any girlfriends and that is a problem.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You mean to tell me when you are in your darkest hour, you want to call on a boy-who is going to tell you he will call you back (probably because he is in the middle of getting some yams). Hunh? No. You need a girlfriend, when things are going a little wayward and you need someone on the scene pronto. You need a girlfriend to pat you on your back and say <em>"you go girl!' </em>You need a girlfriend that will take off her s<span style="font-family: Arial;">tilettos </span>and put on her timberlands in 4 seconds or less!</span><br />
<br />
Now, I didn’t say you and your girlfriends wont disagree or hit a rough patch-maybe even not speak to each other for a couple of <s>months</s> days. It happens. When you finally talk, real girlfriends pick right up where they left off. Like nothing ever happened.<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I thank God everyday for my girlfriends. My girlfriends have been there through my darkest hours, even when I didn’t want them to be. My girlfriends love me when I’m broke and when I have an extra dollar. I share a special but different bond with each of my girlfriends. My girlfriends teach me everyday how to be a good friend. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope that they feel the same about me. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>To all my girlfriends..."We're friends, real friends. And that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I’ll still be here" </strong>-grey's anatomy</span></span></span>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-51350684558616821942011-06-14T09:27:00.000-07:002011-06-14T09:27:46.113-07:00Teamwork...How come when people ask us what our strengths are, we always say "I am a teamplayer". Really? No your not. LOL!!!! Does Teamwork REALLY make the dream work? Or does it cause more confusion? Why do we waste our time in team meetings about meetings about meetings about meetings...UGHHHH!!! HELP ME, Please.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, I am all for a good strategic planning meeting, but please have a purposeful meeting. Please start and end on time. I am looking for a meeting with defined outcomes and processes. A meeting where folks come prepared and have done the proper research prior to the meeting. What I am not interested in are meetings where we talk in circles, there are no experts and people attend with out the proper documentation, notes, information, etc. In addition I am not interested in random meetings where people come to hear themselves talk and toot their own horn. Beat it! Do that on your own time! <br />
<br />
This picture defines how I feel about some of the meetings I generally attend!<br />
<img alt="Meetings Demotivator" src="http://lib.store.yahoo.net/lib/demotivators/meetingsdemotivationalposter.jpg" /><br />
If you are looking for GREAT Demotivator quotes/posters/shirts/mugs like the one above, you can find them at this website:<br />
<a href="http://www.despair.com/">Despair, Inc.</a><br />
<br />
Many of the slogans and sayings made me chuckle!!!<br />
<br />
I actually think I am going to purchase the picture above and hand it in my office!!!Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-13216909896212799562011-06-01T12:47:00.000-07:002011-06-01T12:47:19.140-07:00Liquid Courage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh28uKK0T410cpqWfPYZKzSr63f781D62nqUnh2bUrzlUMI8OUvTLx1X-1dnrvrtkbmKWNcIEK-clcF2Gls4QXBff8_hfRVXhwZ9gg6xREqXQ94YfZn2ECAzdDTcEdE1F52iajxhzVCHMA/s1600/sips2011header1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh28uKK0T410cpqWfPYZKzSr63f781D62nqUnh2bUrzlUMI8OUvTLx1X-1dnrvrtkbmKWNcIEK-clcF2Gls4QXBff8_hfRVXhwZ9gg6xREqXQ94YfZn2ECAzdDTcEdE1F52iajxhzVCHMA/s1600/sips2011header1.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Dear Sister Friend,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Liquid courage is not your friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You only get hurt in the end. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I know the statistics about African American women and single motherhood, marriage and dysfunctional families continue to rise…and you have to be “aggressive” when it comes to dating, but don’t set yourself up for failure…don’t rely on that courage that s-l-o-w-l-y builds you up and then drops you like a bad habit,-leaving you looking like a stalking fool.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Picture this…</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">You’re hanging with your girls, you’re talking about the dreamy dude, your FUTURE baby father/husband/jawn/significant other that you are head over heels in like with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You bring up that fact that he won’t call you back, sometimes calls back, doesn’t “respond the way” he should.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now your real friends will tell you to move and that there are more fish in the sea…but there are some associates (notice I didn’t say friends) who will pump your head up with the following jargon..."girl he likes you"..."he probably is just busy"..."you know he lost his phone"...”maybe he doesn’t know you are interested”…"no he is not gay"..."just call him and ask him what’s up"…”keep calling” and what happens...DISASTER.....just one or two sips of your favorite glass of _________...and then you send him a text…or you tweet about him...then you send a bbm...then you have another sip...and you text again...you giggle...you check his Facebook page...take another sip...and before you know it, the bottle is empty, he hasn’t responded, you have run out of your "unlimited text messages", Facebook and twitter both have frozen screens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You should be classified as a borderline stalker and probably be on suicide watch at this point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have typed some things that you wouldn't have said had you not been encouraged and <span style="color: red;">not...taken that sip of ___________</span> <----</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 8pt;"><em>Insert your favorite kind of Riesling Zinfandel, Vodka etc.</em></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">LIQUID COURAGE</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">It gets us every time.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">...and HE does what he normally does, responds at first and then stops...or <u>doesnt respond at all.</u> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">WHY do we (women) put ourselves through the drama and bullshit? Haven’t we learned? We have watched countless movies, television shows, read books, blogs and infamous quote that have said a number of times and a million different ways that if HE isn’t responded or initiating <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"He is just not that into you…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He knows you are interested but HE is trying to let you down gently because HE is not interested.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe he was in the beginning because he gave you the number, he responded at first, maybe you went on a date or two or maybe he invited you over. Indeed he probably only wanted one thing or maybe in those interactions HE decided you were not his type. I know you are thinking maybe he will like me more if we hang out more...hello! Wake up! Seriously, when are you going to hang out if he doesn’t return any of your forms of outreach…the calls/texts/tweets/bbms/pings/facebookmessagesandwallposts. No hard feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let him go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t stalk, especially not after you have been drinking. <span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Liquid courage also known as liquid confidence is an alcoholic beverage that enables you to become gregarious and much more comfortable/confident in social situations. So you say to yourself "F-it, he's gonna respond this time...watch!"...and you pull out that phone...and well that liquid (and your girlfriends) didnt do anything except hype you up. He doesnt respond. Salty feeling. Very. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">This is for all of my sisters who were ever in <s>LOVE</s> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">LIKE</b> with a man that could care less. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately he was/is not interested and is not man enough to say such, so he ignores you….and it continues to fester and boil inside of you until that liquid gets to mixing with your heart and your emotions and…you start to do the above mentioned stuff (not that I have EVER done any of it, I’m just saying)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Sister, you need to move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he was interested he would have hunted you down like wild prey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would have called you, responded, took you out, and asked ALL of your girlfriends about you….etc. etc. you get my point…right?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Don’t get caught up. Tell that _____________ <----</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 8pt;">Insert your favorite kind of Riesling Zinfandel, Vodka etc. </span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">That you do not have time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Don’t let it get the best of you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>No tears.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">No badgering.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">No social media stalking</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">No more liquid courage.</span>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-84547358590394294432011-05-31T14:39:00.000-07:002011-06-01T12:40:44.900-07:00Single Ladies...<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">...so on Monday night, I <strong><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">wasted </span></strong>2 hours of my life watching VH1's Premiere of the television series <strong><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">Single Ladies</span></strong>. From the title and the trailers, ladies you would think this was going to be OUR show. You would think this was our new Monday night show that we were going to regularly invite our girlfriends over, have wine and food prepared and together we would laugh, cry and bare all of our hopes and dreams about men, relationships, family and marriage and of course SHOPPING!!!! Well...we were bamboozled..I mean how many of ya'll knew this show was going to be a disaster. I didn’t think it was going to be the BEST show, but I thought it would be like Girlfriends...remember how it was okay and then it got REALLY REALLY good...well...not this one. I don’t think there is any hope. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">There is really not much to say except that there were too many has beens, too many story lines, too many sexual encounters and too many light skin men. If this was Queen Latifah's attempt at an "African American" version of Sex and the City <s>or any successful television series,</s> Dana you failed. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00, I'm sorry. The show simply sucked. I don’t know who was worse Stacey Dash or LisaRaye McCoy. Yes, I do. They both were horrible.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">The acting itself left a lot to be desired. I mean I am all for keeping the money in the family and keeping <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">old school </i>actors and actresses employed but <em><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">HONEY</span></em> last night was like Clueless meets Players Club meets Dumb in the City. Stacey and LisaRaye's acting skills combined are not enough to keep me watching. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">I mean LisaRaye was "herself". The same way she is on her reality show is the same way she was on this scripted television series. And Stacey Dash...well your claim to fame is your youthful appearance, but uh..I think you have been hanging with Mr. Botox. Now I didn’t create this blog to talk bad about people. That is not my intent and frankly I am not that kind of person...but the acting was simply horrible and they had the nerve to have the "smartest baby moms of the Century" on the show-no other than: Lauren London, Chilli and Kim Porter... *crickets* somebody call Target and see if they are hiring. I can't. None of these 5 women have acting skills that have progressed since they originally came on television or the movie screen.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">This may have been an attempt at a star studded cast or premiere-but I only saw crickets. No stars.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">I know this series has already been taped but can we scrap the next couple of episodes and replace them with new ones. I mean the story lines jumped around with two many issues for a premiere. Stacey Dash was dating a man for 5/1/2 years-who in the first 10 minutes of the show told her he didn’t want to marry her, who she thought she was pregnant by but wasnt sure because it could have been another man's (some Caucasian dude she had JUST met).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Then there's the other main character, a Caucasian woman- until I find her real name (no offense) who is married to a suite wearing African American man and cheating on him with Common-the Mayor. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">LisaRaye worked in the boutique owned by Stacey Dash, who was also a video vixen who stole jewelry-wait did I tell you she was in Camron's video-#pause...Camron really? Stop. LisaRaye you are too OLD. Maybe your daughter should have been in the television series. There were many more issues, too many to type. I suggest you waste 2 hours of your life like I did...and then "tell em' why you mad son". </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Again who is the other main character....I cant find her name anywhere<s>...not that I looked that hard.</s></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">The series is supposed to be a "modern, sexy series set in the world of Atlanta fashion, music, and celebrity that will constantly explore which woman has the right approach to relationships"...well I personally do not need to watch several episodes of this series to know that neither of the three of the women have the right approach to relationships or life for that matter. At one point Chilli and LisaRaye were discussing the men they both dated <em><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">since there are only 4 eligible men in Atlanta-</span></em>and a homosexual co-worker of LisaRaye's chimes in because he dated one of the guys too....STOP. Please. No more.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Writers, Producers, Editors! HELP!!!!! Can we please get a real story with real women dating real men? Real storylines. Real issues. Everyone is NOT a video girl and not everyone cares to be. We do not sit around drinking wine in our designer sunglasses and talking about the next event we are going to. We do not all have our own boutiques, clothing lines or shoe stores...some of us sit at a desk all day, work in schools-wear uniforms to work. We do not date “perfect looking men”-fat free-all muscle bodies, beautiful smiles, good hair, bald heads, big houses. No, we date men with receeding hairlines, crocked teeth, men that dont always wear suits to work and many who live in row homes. Some of us (ya'll) date men that dont even own a suit-I wont go there today, later, not today, today is not your day. Someone tell me when will we have a regular show about African American woman dating in 2011 who go to *in my Katt Williams voice* <em><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">REGULAR</span></em> jobs, date <em><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">REGULAR</span></em> men, drive REGULAR cars and have <em><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";">REGULAR</span></em> sexual encounters. Huhnh? That's not good enough for television, I guess. It’s too REGULAR.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything has to be fake…or a fantasy…or made up or over the top.-even Realtiy television is fake. How ironic! And whats said is that because of all the telelvision celebrity lifestyle reality television shows and lifestlyes that we are able to be a part of we (ya'll) think this is how we are supposed to be living. Half of that stuff is rented...down to the houses they shoot the televsision shows in. Living high on the hog, gucci this, prada that, cheap heels and fake hair-and you cant even pay your own cable bill-talking about what a man needs to be able to do for you...SIGH I digress... look at what television has done to us *waving fist in the air*.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7u3LiYfVomtJ1mQqLtTXyMJskefExGyg1C9yCZTd7CV3d17HMIci6YgZhbACIyczOecWm7MmnByFiEWiODxIo6IbFlJkvWFSgrzqZdMXoq9gjUvazQ8fDlnyUSP6vNEZMsBLVUT5OBIc/s1600/singleladies.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7u3LiYfVomtJ1mQqLtTXyMJskefExGyg1C9yCZTd7CV3d17HMIci6YgZhbACIyczOecWm7MmnByFiEWiODxIo6IbFlJkvWFSgrzqZdMXoq9gjUvazQ8fDlnyUSP6vNEZMsBLVUT5OBIc/s1600/singleladies.bmp" t8="true" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">Ladies-wake up! The revolution will not be televised. You'd probably be watching Single Ladies anyway if it was.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 10pt;">I am really disappointed in the show and in myself for watching it and NOW blogging about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The show needs to improve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think Single Ladies needs new actresses, a new story line…and a new station.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>VH1 loves to show this kind of buffoonery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think another television station would have allowed this show to be on their lineup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you VH1 and Dana (Queen Latifah) for wasting our time and money. I should have been reading a book, instead I was glued to the boob tube praying for the show to get better or at the very least to see some hot fashion.</span>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-52920730620292734722011-05-31T10:52:00.000-07:002011-05-31T13:13:24.440-07:00B or B...<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">What is <u>female empowerment</u>? Empowerment refers to increasing the spiritual, political, social, or economic strength of individuals and communities. It often involves those folks considered empowered and having developed confidence in their own capacities. In that case, I would assume female empowerment would be the ability of women and girls to develop and exhibit confidence in their own abilities to do things. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">As a woman, I am all for empowerment, confidence and frankly showing off...I have to wonder though does that include belittling others, using sexual innuendos and obscenities to do such. Can female empowerment be as gentle as a tiny kitten, soft and fluffy? Does it have to be harsh, abrasive, sexual and dark? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Can it be both?</i> Apparently in most of our present day music it is presented as two different approaches, no in-between and the later of the two is what we commonly think of or see images of.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">I am a Beyonce fan...so please do not take this Blog entry as me hating or being jealous. The first time I listened to the song "Who Run the World (Girls)", I didn’t like the song. <s>I actually thought that Kelly Rowland had a better first single.</s> However, before we label this song as a female empowerment song, I think we need to address several things. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">One, female empowerment is not about being naked, gyrating, shouting obscenities/cursing or hand gestures that mimic such (at least not in my eyes). Or is it? In the above mentioned video she is half naked and dancing very seductively around and on the men. At one point in the music video B even puts up her middle finger... #wheretheydodat? Was that necessary? In the video she is portraying the "leader" of an all female army and they are "fighting" a war. Shouldn’t you be leading by example? Did B putting up my middle finger show that her female army was better than the male one. Maybe I missed something. I also saw trailers of the video where it appears some parts were left out of the mainstream video, but nevertheless it hasn’t answered my question, but only increased the number of questions I have about the validity of the song and the video that accompanies it. Do we as women have to act like "B's" to be heard or seen?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">Ironically when I started this blog, I didn’t know that B would be featured as the cover story of the most Recent Billboard Magazine. In the article the author refers to Beyonce as an "icon of female empowerment" and asks what power means to her. B describes what it means to her, including "it's about setting a good example, and not abusing your power...leading by example". B, do you really believe that? Does that persona only occur behind close doors when the cameras are off? Are you saying B is the role model but Sasha Fierce isn’t because I am not sure if your last video (or last couple of videos) displayed such role modeling. Does that mean we need to be half naked and dancing seductively to get people's (specifically men) attention or can we simply use our intelligence, facts, and natural charm to get our point across and our voices heard. The video-and song- should have been entitled <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What Runs The World (Pu$$Y</i>).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">Yes, our girls (and women) need role models and inspiring music to get them through life's strenuous and laborious road blocks, but is Who Run the World (Girls) the female empowerment anthem that we need to be singing? Is it the music video I would use to make a point or presentation with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, I dont think so. I believe this song and the video itself, sets women back several decades. All that we have fought for in the world of women's rights and independence -and here we go again throwing our Pu$$Y in the faces of men, to get ahead and prove a point. I think the video is very sexual and does nothing for B, her image and the young women who will continuously chant the song all summer long. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean did you listen to the lyrics…geesh that’s another blog for another time. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 11pt;">Sorry B, this was not a winner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to be a B.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not the image that women should be flaunting in 2011.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not when we have astronomical rates of teen pregnancy, STD’s including HIV, poverty, low literacy in our communities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please try again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Next time B the role model you claim to be.</span>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-34799684034149645172011-05-24T12:37:00.000-07:002011-05-24T12:46:53.623-07:00The Big O...and no I am not talking about an orgasm. LOL! Yesterday I watched Part 1 of the Oprah Farewell Spectacular and I could not stop crying. Most of my friends know I am a hard ass, but at times I can be a water head. It's the Taurus in me. Anyway, Oprah's friends did an amazing job of keeping the event and its guest and practically all of the details secret and from what I see, they executed a perfect show. From beginning to end. From Tom Cruise to Patti Labelle to Beyonce to Diane Sawyer. I was simply amazed, inspired and frankly out of tissues by the time show ended. *Note to self-pick up a box of tissues on the way home*.<br />
<br />
Beginning September 8, 1986, the Oprah Winfrey show passed through 24 seasons and over 3,700 episodes. I continue to be inspired by her years of diligence, hard work and most of all compassion for others. At the same time, I am saddened by her departure from day time television and the impact it could have on women <em>like myself.</em> I mean she is not dead and I am sure she is being contacted to work on numerous television, music and talk radio projects-but seriously what will we do with out her? Who will be the next Oprah? <br />
<br />
What disturbs me about Oprah's departure from day time television is the folks who say…"she didn’t do anything for (us)"..."she always doing stuff overseas"..."why she ain’t build a school here"... Folks do your research. Oprah has championed lots of causes and underserved populations near and far-black and white. Oprah is not prejudice or "pro-black". Oprah is a humanitarian and wants to help people. To say that something she has done has not effected or influenced you in some way, is a bold face lie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s because of Oprah many of your favorite products are on the shelves of stores nationwide-and remain there. It’s because of her that you read some of the books you do. It’s because of her that maybe your local boys and girls club is still open. It’s because of her that you probably know where <place w:st="on">Africa</place> is-cause you certainly weren’t paying attention before. I mean c'mon folks…do you think she publicizes everything she does in the community?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><s>Probably because you don’t do much and need the recognition for the little but you actually do.</s><br />
<br />
Oprah is a staple not only in the African American community, but in communities all over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching yesterday's show confirmed that its not just African American women who are motivated by her but its all women-across the state, nation, country and "the world, Craig". Its women young and old; women with support systems, women without support systems; single women, married women; Christian women, Muslim women and Jewish women. They all "worship" Oprah. But now what? Where do we get our advice? Who inspires us to do more in the community? Who teaches us we are beautiful just the way we are?<br />
<br />
Well I will tell YOU, after 25 seasons, its time for US to be our OWN Oprah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, I don’t mean we all need to have a talk show and a best friend named Gayle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean we all need to look within ourselves and strive to do better and we need to help others to do the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Oprah has set the standard (very high-might I add) and now its time for us to step up to the plate. </span>Set a goal and work towards it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your goal may be to be a better parent, to do more public service, to go back to school…whatever the goal is, start planning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Start small…and then see how your project can grow into something large that other folks will want to be a part of or something that will allow folks to notice the difference in you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It only takes a little faith the size of a mustard seed, to know YOU can make a difference…not a television camera and a studio audience…<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
*pointing finger and shouting in my Oprah voice * "You set a goal...You set a goal...You set a goal.."Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-55750866534128862072011-05-22T09:16:00.000-07:002011-05-22T09:16:36.016-07:00Big Pimpin..Big Mouth..Now that I am <s>32</s>, a woman of a certain age, often times in dating situations, I am confronted by ghosts of my past. I think that men (and women) would expect that you have lived a little and are a little bit experienced in the world of dating. I suspect at my age, many men (and women) have been around the block once or twice…heck maybe even the neighborhood.<br />
<br />
I would hope that a woman my age has dated many types of men. I’m talking about men in different career fields, age brackets, financial statuses, ethnicities, heights and backgrounds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would hope that they would have had the benefit <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">or unfortune </i>-of being in a long term relationship, a one night stand -or more-#dontjudege<s>me</s>them or have the benefit of being the heartbreaker themselves. A woman should have lived a life, that is Rated X enough to share with her girlfriends, too Rated R to tell her children but rated PG-13 enough to tell her grandchildren. Yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what about your next significant other…<br />
<br />
In the midst of all these experiences is that "do I tell him factor".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find that disclosure is a touchy subject. No matter the number of men you have dated its going to be too many for him. No matter how handsome you thought the last guy was, the new guy is always going to hate on him. No matter how much money he had the next guy is gonna claim he wasn’t “really getting’ money”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter how happy you were being free or in your last relationship, the new guy is going to point out that is wasn’t always peaches and cream.. <br />
<br />
When it comes to disclosure, do you really tell all? Do you tell him how many times you had sex with the last guy, went on trips with the athlete, the businessman who cheated on you, the sugardaddy who “took care of you”? Do you tell him how many different and erotic places you have had it-the penthouse floor of a local hotel, the park, the car? Do you tell him all the positions or do you just act like you only know the misisionary position and that you won’t entertain the thought of felatio unless you are married? Do you tell him about the heartache, the sandy beaches, the sleepless nights, the other women, the jewelry, the parking lots, the bail fund or do you just shut YOUR BIG MOUTH.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean do you deny something that once was or acknowledge it and all of its intricate details- and hope he still thinks you are cool enough with the Virgin Mary that you are practically a Saint yourself.<br />
<br />
Quite frankly, I despise the so "who is he", “why didn’t you tell me" or "did anything happen between you two" questions? GTFOH. Grow some balls. I am with you NOW-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I mean at least at this minute I am</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why does my past concern you? No, I haven’t always used condoms, yes, I have recently had an HIV test, yes I have had an STD check, yes I know my status and yes, we should get tested together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Frankly that is all you need to know and frankly what I did with him is none of your business-even if I wonder what it would be like if you and I were on that same rooftop and had some chocolate syrup and ….. <br />
<br />
I digress.<br />
<br />
Ladies, do we talk about our big pimpin’ or do we keep our big mouths shut. There is nothing worse than having your dude find out about something in the past by someone other than you...but does our past really matter. I mean if what I did in college is based on our future-Houston we have a problem. Do you really need to know I needed money to pay my rent and I dated the biggest drug dealer in the neighborhood? Or that we became business partners because he wasn’t ready for a relationship?<br />
<br />
I think in 2011 men should know that women have lived and experienced lots of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The older you are the more you have experienced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also believe that men and women can genuinely be friends-even after they have dated or screwed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think past relationships and rendezvous should be discussed when it comes to health issues, danger or ongoing situations for example if you have a child by an ex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I dated him, then pay attention to the “ed”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not dating. It’s over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scram with all of your crazy thoughts and insecurities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m with you now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I tell you everything about everybody then you would think I wasn’t the woman I am, when in fact those experiences make me the woman I am. The reason I don’t take no ish from you is because of this one and that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason I question some of your business ventures its because I dated this one and that one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason I know how you like it and how often you like it is because of this one and that one…The reason I get quiet and shut down to diffuse an argument…it’s because *in my Wendy Williams voice* “Mother has lived”. <br />
<br />
Listen Mr.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am dating you now…I am disease free and debt free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world is small but know I haven’t dated any of your friends or family…and that is what important. I am living my life like its golden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have two choices you can come along for the ride and stop asking questions or be placed in the “ed” box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life is too short for you to keep bringing up my past-especially after I have answered your damn questions. The real issue is that you are a cheater, a womanizer and you think I am Karma coming back for vengeance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No boo, my name is Phillysugamamma, not Karma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Karma-she lives down the street.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My answers won’t change (I remember all the little white lies and I have a great long term memory).<br />
<br />
Keep pimpin’ ladies …and shut your mouths…the past is the past…<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3509200654579531108.post-13585373711472805282011-05-20T14:20:00.000-07:002011-05-20T14:50:16.231-07:00To settle or not to settle...<span class="entry-content">...Clearly whoever said 30 was the new 20 never met 32...</span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">Hi and welcome to the </span><strong><i><span style="color: magenta;">Adventures of Phillysugamamma</span></i></strong><span class="entry-content"><span style="color: #cc0000;"> </span><span style="color: black;">and yes that is how I spell it! </span>Prepare to be entertained, amused, saddened, depressed, overwhelmed, frustrated and happy all in one location! Yes, those are my everyday mood swings and you are welcome to come along for the ride.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My only rule is #dontjudgeme. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">I don’t know what got into me this morning, but all of a sudden I had a sudden urge to "blog". For what reason, I have no idea. In the past I thought about writing a book about my life, in hopes that I could help someone or maybe even entertain them…but then reality television came along…and well there went that dream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I have something to share with the world, that I can seem to get out in 140 characters-damn you Twitter or 420 characters-Facebook...in other words, I have a big mouth and want you to know what I know and feel the way I feel. Yes, I am now the boss of you, me ---> Ms. Phillysugamamma</span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">Anyway back to me...because it is always about me.. I am a <s>30 something</s> 25 +7 African American woman, a <city w:st="on"><place w:st="on">Philadelphia</place></city> native and I am on the move! Literally and figuratively. I am interested in a lot of things, passionate about various causes, a lover of celebrity gossip, a caregiver, a sister, a friend, a director and unmarried. I like to socialize, network, help others and above all have a good time. As of lately I find that my days are long and my nights even longer. I am unsure about my next move...career wise specifically and my life in general. So much to do, so many souls to save and there is only one me. More and more I am feeling like I need to "settle down". </span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">But what in the hell does "settle down" mean?</span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">I currently work in the non-profit/public health sector. I enjoy what I do. It allows me to make small changes in the world around health disparities and populations I am fervent about…but I often wonder when do you know you have found the career or job that you are destined to be in <u>forever</u>. Forever is a mighty long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I tell folks I have been at my present company for 6 years, they are shocked. When I tell them I have always worked in the same field-they are intrigued! I mean wake up people, do you just get a job at a company and hope it works for the best? How long do you stay? When do you leave? Do you wait until they fire you?? Do you adjust to the highs and lows of changes in administration and management? Do you just <u>settle</u>?</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">The down fall of being committed to public service and helping others is the disappointment that comes with feeling like a failure when they fail. Family, friends and strangers-they all do it. In other words when they prove to you over and over again they do not want to help themselves. I have a friend who shall remain nameless; actually we will call her Cee-Cee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think I have done everything for her except "be her and live her life".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t seem to get her on track. I mean there is nothing more that I can do. I've given her tough love, I've tried the "let me get you started route", I have showered her with endless love and RESOURCES ($$$) and to no avail-FAILURE. Am I enabling her? I mean at some point don’t you want BETTER for yourself? Don't you want to be on your own? Haven't you learned your lesson(s)? Why do you keep doing the same stuff over and over and over and over again? Or on the other hand, there are times when I wonder why she isn’t doing anything at ALL. When do you decide that you have helped enough folks? When is enough enough? When do you ask yourself, why do I keep helping this person over and over and over again? When do you throw in the towel and say that you are done helping/saving/taking care of/bailing out this person? Do you just <u>settle</u> on the fact that they are going to be who they are no matter what and say <s>fuck </s>it!</span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">Earlier I mentioned <s>my</s> age…currently all of my friends are married, getting married, in heavy duty serious relationships, having kids, and more kids and talking about MOVING to different school districts/cities/states-meanwhile they are unhappy. They have given up their former lives-no more parties, happy hours, public service projects, dating girl’s night out…and they are simply miserable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are living the </span><em>"Ihavetogetmarriedandhavekids<span style="color: red;">NOW</span>withapicketfenceandadogandnicecarinasuburbanneighborhoodsohewilldo</em><span class="entry-content"> syndrome. And me...in Facebook terms...well "it's complicated". I don’t know what the issue is. Maybe my standards are too high, many I wasn’t meant to have "all of that", maybe my blessing is coming in a different package. Or maybe I have commitment issues. I mean clearly today on Twitter I <s>proudly</s> announced I would blog once a week...I mean who does that? Aren't you supposed to blog daily or when you have thoughts to share...clearly I have thoughts more than once a week...but was I scared to say I would blog more than once a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why did I have to set “rules” and “standards” on my blogging?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was I afraid, like many men I have dated that I would get bored with it (them) and not want to be bothered. Was I afraid that I would get all wrapped up in this newfound blogging relationship and forget about my old friends- Mr. 420 and Mr. 140 character counts and settle for this blog as my only means of expression...or like many of my failed relationships did I hold back my feelings and thoughts for fear that the blog spot would dump ME thinking a better blogger was going to come along.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">Carrie Bradshaw once said "Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies" I have to be honest with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want butterflies. I NEED butterflies. I want butterflies when it comes to dating, when it comes to my career, when it comes to my life's work, when it comes to sex, when it comes to shoe shopping... I think butterflies are a MUST HAVE. To me butterflies symbolize something good is happening! When I think of butterflies I think of passion, progress, excitement, change, want, need, fulfillment...I could go on but I think you get my point. </span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">I am not willing to settle or let others settle around me. If you want butterflies every day then join the movement. Get your arse up and start moving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to look back and say wow...I did it, it felt good and still get butterflies when I reminisce.</span><span class="entry-content"></span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">Today I proclaim that I, Phillysugamamma, am not settling for anything less than butterflies...</span><br />
<br />
<span class="entry-content">I hope you do the same.</span>Phillysugamammahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09505898920419413103noreply@blogger.com1