+ 1

Picture This....
You got tickets to a slamming concert! An artist you love, who do you take?
A new restaurant opened and you are dying to try it, who do you go with?
You get an invitation to a wedding, it says _____________ <---your name here  +1...who gets the honor?

How can a girl have so many options, but NO options at all? Does that even make sense?  Of course it doesn't. It's only me and I make stuff up in my head.  

As a young  educated, professional, beautiful African American woman living in #Philly, I have lots of options when it comes to dates-guys I know, guys I went to school with, guys I met along lifes trails, guys I am following/friends with on social media networks (and those that follow me :-)) .BUT sometimes when I really examine the "list" for a social event, work event etc, I realize I don't have such a plethera of options. I do not want to feel forced to take someone I'd rather not take, for the sake of saying I have a date when the truth is that something about them irks me or turns me off.  Sometimes I wish I could take this persons face and put it on this persons body; take this persons brain and place it in this persons head; take this persons sense of humor and put it on another body; stretch this person out, make him a little taller...take his manerisms give them to him...you get my drift...right? 

 

THEN half of these busters when I think about it maybe I dont REALLY know. The dating phase we see in movies, and shows..or used to see for that matter, doesnt seem to be happening. With the invention of the internet-social media networks, skype, tango and the likes have made dating in 2012 very challenging. Deja Vu'! I feel like I have typed that before...you often know too much or too little about a person before a in person meeting. We have no social skills The average "get to know" period shrinks, because people become to familiar with each other too fast.  No courting needed.  Hi, my twitter name is ____, meet my "representative"...I say representative because you never truly meet the REAL person behind that avi until its too late. By then you have invited a person into your life, you normally wouldnt have given a second  thought. You are suckered in, you took him somewhere ( to an event ) he should not have been invited to, was  introduced to your "peeps" and now you have a person listed in your phone as "Do Not Answer"

*SIGH*

#mylife

Ladies...Ease Up..

Is it okay for YOUR man to go to the strip club...I say yes, sure it is, but then again he isn't my man. He is yours.

It is okay for my man to go to the strip club? Hell yeah!

You probably thought I was going to say no.  No way!  If that is what he enjoys, then let him go to the damn strip club with the boys.  He doesnt stop you from going to your book club meetings, the hair salon, and other places us women like to "escape" to or frequent on a regular basis.  Give him his space. Let him go. Let him go there, so when he gets home, he knows how to appreciate what he has at home. 

For most men, its a place to view some eye candy, let his "hair down" and kick it with his boys.  Now if he has a serious porn addition that's something else, and something I don't intend to address in this here forum.  But I have been to the strip club enough times with guys, now that I have gotten older, to realize that it is all in fun and that the women are mere "backdrops" of the venue that are frequenting. Don't feel pressured to do anything he said he saw, or things you think he saw, SOME of that stuff is strictly for entertainment purposes and you need to be properly trained to do it! LOL! I aint lyin'!

What I really think is, heck you should go with him! You might learn a few new tricks to try at home AND you wont have to pay for your drinks while you are there. Remember to do what you feel is comfortable to spice up your sex life.  Don't feel pressured, to be a "stripper" at home but dont be a prude either.  That wont work.

There is a balance to everything. Trust me.

Now what I dont think we need are herds of women flocking to the strip clubs without men.  Its not our gathering place, although we are welcome. (Some places wont let you in after a certain time without a guy) Let the boys have something to themselves unless you are invited.  You go in there half naked and dancing -taking attention from the people who get paid to do what you are often "imitating".  You dont tip the ladies.  That's not fair to them.  From what I was told they pay to be able to dance in those establishments.  So ladies don't go if you're not invited and don't be a nuisance.

Suffering In Silence

You ever cry and not know you are crying? No? Just me..okay...

Well that was me this morning.  I pulled into the McDonalds drive thru near the job, looked in the mirror to see how bad my hair looked and surprisingly saw a wet face.  I wasnt sweating. I didn't forget to dry my face after I washed it.  I didn't get caught in the rain. after a moment, I knew what it was...and where the tears came from.  See when the tears start flowing and you cant feel them, its usually when you are at your wits end.  It means there is nothing to say. You are waving your white flag, letting God, your best friend, a police officer, a neighbor-somebody - know you need help.

See, I went to sleep angry last night and I guess I should not have been surprised when I woke up somewhat later than normal and my day began to go haywire bubbling over with the anger and frustration that has been looming in my head for weeks.  In case you didnt know I currently, care for someone with severe mental health and intellectual diasabilites. Double wammy-right? Shoot me now.

It seemed somewhat manageable before but now that the baby is here, I swearforgawd, things have gotten CRAZIER (for a lack of words) in my home. Your home is supposed to be your personal space, your safe haven, it's yours-right.  But lately I don't want to go home. I don't want to be there. I don't want to do anything to it. I don't want to clean, buy anything, paint anything, or dust anything. Nothing. I want it and everything and everyone in it to disappear.  My interactions and conversations with my sister  have turned into fights. Simple questions and requests have turned into shouting matches. Simple normal dialogues have turned into arguments. I have said things I am not particularly proud of. I mean I have to argue with her about taking a shower. Really? The arguments have gotten physical. Today I almost ran her head through the wall.  My house and furniture look like a herd of cows ran through it and frankly I am worn out. I am tired of fixing things and fighting. It's someone ELSE'S turn.  And yes I have heard the proverb "to much is given..much is required", but some day's-forgive me Lord-I say take back some of these blessings, because its not worth the struggle. This doesn't seem even. Lord you are not playing fair with me.

And then there are days I only want to be home. To hide from the world so I don't have to answer questions.

Today's blog is because I am feeling discouraged and need to vent. Feeling like I am doing this all alone. Feeling like I am going to have to live the rest of my life, like a prisoner-for a crime I didn't commit. And no one understands.  No one gets it.  You see, they have all of these support programs for people with mental illness and/or intellectual disabilities, but yet they do not provide any real services to folks because there is no funding.  In addition adults, can refuse services, so we have all these people who need counseling, medication, attention- walking the streets -getting worse.  My sister thinks she doesnt need medication or counseling.  She is fine. She had a baby. She is a mom. Her common phrase is "you aint my payee, cause I don't need one". Oh okay. So because of this claus she is free to be who she is. Nasty, mean, ungrateful, lost and dependent on someone else. me. You see my sister didnt ask to be this way. She was born this way.  She was born to a drug-addicted woman who thought bringing another child in this world addicted to drugs and possible chemical imbalances was the thing to do.  Go figure, no one talked her out of it..I know for a fact my mother was pro-choice, so what the hell happened-other than the obvious.

So today at work I continue to look for solutions to end my imprisonment. Wine doesn't seem to be the answer and its getting kind of expensive.  I don't want to turn into a wino (remember: alcoholics go to meetings, drunks go to parties) I'm looking for residential programs (for her), that you need a state funded CONSOLIDATED waiver for.  A waiver that has a waiting list of thousands of names.  Those names will undoubtedly remain on the list for the next several years, because we never have enough money and currently we have a governor and elected officials who don't see the value in mental health and intellectual disability support services. If we had more elected officials and people who cared about fully funding and making resources accessible such as affordable health care coverage, reproductive health care services, kinship care support, basic education, special education, and substance abuse prevention programs-just to name a few would have prevented me from crying in the McDonald's parking lot this morning.  But since this doesn't appear to be a reality in Pennsylvania any time soon, I continue to suffer in silence.