A woman's worth...

I was recently cyber stalking on a friends Facebook page and came across his new status.　 There was a Romanian Proverb as his status that read "Do not put your spoon into the pot which does not boil for you…”  Who was he talking about? Me…? My spoon? He better not be….seriously. Was he trying to send me a hint?  OMG, he doesn’t like me and its on FACEBOOK.

As always my cyber stalking made me think about the current status of the single/still dating/friends with benefits fairly young African American woman. You know, the bigger picture, cause everything isn’t always about ME…as I would like to think…

But wait…first, let me confess. I was on somebody’s page that I actually had no business on. Someone who's doesn't boil for ME on a regular basis…but I couldn’t resist checkin’ up on him. You know, see who he is quoting, see if he changed his profile picture, see how he is feeling, where is he going to be later, etc, etc. Background information: We will call him AL. AL is handsome, has a good job, seems fairly stable, no sign of baby momma drama, no sign of mental instabilities, and has that Philly Swag that I love. *SIGH* AL is someone I like, but in the time that I have known him I have come to realize that AL’s just not that into me. Seriously. I mean a girl knows when a guy wants her. No matter how busy he is, not matter how many other obligations he has-she knows. She can feel it. The thought of Al gives me butterflies…The site of AL gives me butterflies…but I don’t think I give him butterflies. Insert teardrops here----> _______________.

What I have come to learn (over and over and over again), is that men are predators by nature. When they want something THEY go after it…and frankly I don’t think he has been acting very "predator like" since…well….ever. Anyway, I digress. Okay, no more cyber stalking. I promise.

The moral of the story...that I haven’t gotten to, because I had to do so much explaining-as you know background information is key to making an informed decision-is that we as women need to know our worth. I know it sounds like my settling blog, but keep up, its my know your worth blog. #thanks

When is enough, enough?  Let’s take a trip down memory lane….Remember the sitcom, The Parkers. Remember Monique’s character, she played the role of Nicole "Nikki" Parker and she LOVED herself some Professor Oglesby. Everywhere he was, she showed up. If he liked it, she loved it. The unfortunate part of the story is that man ran from her, he hid from her; he did nothing to give her the inclination that he liked her. He ignored her. He did nothing to receive her affection and she kept trying. Episode after episode. It was always something new. She kept on. She chased him-hard. Each week we sat at home and we laughed at Nikki, when it went into syndication and they showed re-runs we watched intensely. Not realizing the sad part of the story is that there is a little Nikki in many of us. Sure it was funny on the television show, but in real life it really isn’t. In real life, women that act like that start to look desperate, lonely, uncomfortable with being by themselves-in addition to being just plan annoying.　

Women WE need to know our worth. We need to make them work for IT and reciprocate IT. We are worth working for. Work for our attention, affection, our intimacy, our love.  It really doesn’t take much. Just a little effort. If he is not "boiling for you"-courting, dating, perusing, pursuing, calling, texting, facebooking, tweeting, bbm’ing you...then Ladies you definitely need to take YOUR spoon elsewhere. You don’t need him to tell you he isn’t interested. The signs are there. No need in having your spoon sit in hot water-for nothing-it needs to be bubbling. Make him chase you, you need to be prayed preyed on…In other words, if he isn’t working to get your attention or you then you gotta move….take the hint (or hints) and try a new pot...

I know I will...

Friends...how many of us have them....

Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with --sex and the city


Every girl needs a girl.  No, I’m not speaking of having a “girl” in a lesbian way, but in a friendly way. Let me start over and explain. 


Every girl needs a girlfriend.  Every girl needs girlfriends.  Girlfriends are there for you during the good times and the bad.  Girlfriends are who you call when you need advice, when you need to vent, when you need to complain, and when you need to laugh.  Girlfriends help you grow.  Girlfriends push you to grow.  Girlfriends celebrate your successes, help you break the windows out his car, and help you fix what is wrong. Girlfriends, support you when you are right and when you are wrong.  Girlfriends tell you not to wear those tights again, suggest lip-gloss shades and they always know where the good sales are going to be.  Girlfriends are there during your life transitions- marriage, babies, divorces, break-ups, moving, new jobs...


Girlfriends provide consistency in your life.


There are just somethings only a girlfriend will understand.  Trust me.


Good girlfriends are a gift from the man (or woman) above.


Sometimes it's helpful for girls to have multiple sets of girlfriends.  Luckily for me, I have Sorors, girlfriends from my elem-high school days, work girlfriends, college girlfriends and neighborhood girlfriends. 


I often tell my male friends that are still on the dating scene, if they meet a girl and she doesn’t have any girlfriends then they need to run in the other direction. I mean there has to be something wrong with a woman with no female friends.  We learned how to make friends in Pre-School...and you still haven’t mastered it? Oye Ve'!  I hear females all the time say "I don’t get along with other girls".  Well I think that is the stupidest thing to say.  How do you not have any girlfriends?  You only have one?  Not Good.  How can you not get along with other women? What are you doing?  Are you an instigator? A liar?  Have a bad jealous streak?  Is the reason you don’t have any girlfriends is because you do not know how to be a friend. I get it, now!!! We need to start with the basics.  You need to repeat your formative school years.  Go back to Pre-School and learn how to share crayons and what it means to be a friend- I dont care if you have a PhD...you dont have any girlfriends and that is a problem.


You mean to tell me when you are in your darkest hour, you want to call on a boy-who is going to tell you he will call you back (probably because he is in the middle of getting some yams).  Hunh? No.  You need a girlfriend, when things are going a little wayward and you need someone on the scene pronto.   You need a girlfriend to pat you on your back and say "you go girl!'  You need a girlfriend that will take off her stilettos and put on her timberlands in 4 seconds or less!

Now, I didn’t say you and your girlfriends wont disagree or hit a rough patch-maybe even not speak to each other for a couple of months days.  It happens. When you finally talk, real girlfriends pick right up where they left off.  Like nothing ever happened.
  
I thank God everyday for my girlfriends.  My girlfriends have been there through my darkest hours, even when I didn’t want them to be.  My girlfriends love me when I’m broke and when I have an extra dollar.  I share a special but different bond with each of my girlfriends.  My girlfriends teach me everyday how to be a good friend. 

I hope that they feel the same about me. 

To all my girlfriends..."We're friends, real friends. And that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I’ll still be here" -grey's anatomy

Teamwork...

How come when people ask us what our strengths are, we always say "I am a teamplayer".  Really?  No your not.  LOL!!!! Does Teamwork REALLY make the dream work?  Or does it cause more confusion? Why do we waste our time in team meetings about meetings about meetings about meetings...UGHHHH!!! HELP ME, Please.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for a good strategic planning meeting, but please have a purposeful meeting.  Please start and end on time. I am looking for a meeting with defined outcomes and processes.  A meeting where folks come prepared and have done the proper research prior to the meeting.  What I am not interested in are meetings where we talk in circles, there are no experts and people attend with out the proper documentation, notes, information, etc.  In addition I am not interested in random meetings where people come to hear themselves talk and toot their own horn.  Beat it! Do that on your own time!

This picture defines how I feel about some of the meetings I generally attend!

If you are looking for GREAT Demotivator quotes/posters/shirts/mugs like the one above, you can find them at this website:
Despair, Inc.

Many of the slogans and sayings made me chuckle!!!

I actually think I am going to purchase the picture above and hand it in my office!!!

Liquid Courage

Dear Sister Friend,

Liquid courage is not your friend.  You only get hurt in the end.  Yes, I know the statistics about African American women and single motherhood, marriage and dysfunctional families continue to rise…and you have to be “aggressive” when it comes to dating, but don’t set yourself up for failure…don’t rely on that courage that s-l-o-w-l-y builds you up and then drops you like a bad habit,-leaving you looking like a stalking fool.

Picture this…

You’re hanging with your girls, you’re talking about the dreamy dude, your FUTURE baby father/husband/jawn/significant other that you are head over heels in like with.  You bring up that fact that he won’t call you back, sometimes calls back, doesn’t “respond the way” he should.  Now your real friends will tell you to move and that there are more fish in the sea…but there are some associates (notice I didn’t say friends) who will pump your head up with the following jargon..."girl he likes you"..."he probably is just busy"..."you know he lost his phone"...”maybe he doesn’t know you are interested”…"no he is not gay"..."just call him and ask him what’s up"…”keep calling” and what happens...DISASTER.....just one or two sips of your favorite glass of _________...and then you send him a text…or you tweet about him...then you send a bbm...then you have another sip...and you text again...you giggle...you check his Facebook page...take another sip...and before you know it, the bottle is empty, he hasn’t responded, you have run out of your "unlimited text messages", Facebook and twitter both have frozen screens.  You should be classified as a borderline stalker and probably be on suicide watch at this point.  You have typed some things that you wouldn't have said had you not been encouraged and not...taken that sip of ___________ <----Insert your favorite kind of Riesling Zinfandel, Vodka etc.

LIQUID COURAGE

It gets us every time.

...and HE does what he normally does, responds at first and then stops...or doesnt respond at all. 
WHY do we (women) put ourselves through the drama and bullshit?  Haven’t we learned?  We have watched countless movies, television shows, read books, blogs and infamous quote that have said a number of times and a million different ways that if HE isn’t responded or initiating  "He is just not that into you…”  He knows you are interested but HE is trying to let you down gently because HE is not interested.   Maybe he was in the beginning because he gave you the number, he responded at first, maybe you went on a date or two or maybe he invited you over.  Indeed he probably only wanted one thing or maybe in those interactions HE decided you were not his type.  I know you are thinking maybe he will like me more if we hang out more...hello! Wake up! Seriously, when are you going to hang out if he doesn’t return any of your forms of outreach…the calls/texts/tweets/bbms/pings/facebookmessagesandwallposts.  No hard feelings.  Let him go.  Don’t stalk, especially not after you have been drinking.  Liquid courage also known as liquid confidence is an alcoholic beverage that enables you to become gregarious and much more comfortable/confident in social situations.  So you say to yourself "F-it, he's gonna respond this time...watch!"...and you pull out that phone...and well that liquid (and your girlfriends) didnt do anything except hype you up.  He doesnt respond.  Salty feeling. Very.  

This is for all of my sisters who were ever in LOVE LIKE with a man that could care less.  Unfortunately he was/is not interested and is not man enough to say such, so he ignores you….and it continues to fester and boil inside of you until that liquid gets to mixing with your heart and your emotions and…you start to do the above mentioned stuff (not that I have EVER done any of it, I’m just saying)

Sister, you need to move on.  If he was interested he would have hunted you down like wild prey.  He would have called you, responded, took you out, and asked ALL of your girlfriends about you….etc. etc. you get my point…right?

Don’t get caught up. Tell that _____________ <----Insert your favorite kind of Riesling Zinfandel, Vodka etc.  That you do not have time. 

Don’t let it get the best of you.  

No tears.

No badgering.

No social media stalking

No more liquid courage.