Ladies as we grow older and really learn what makes us “tick” within relationships…we realize our needs and wants regarding our sexual behaviors and activities tend to change. Changes are often around the frequency of sex, the length of time we are getting it in, requirements about HIS tools and abilities, and our level of commitment to a guy before we give it up.
Many times we meet men who give us butterflies and we want to jump their bones “on spot”. We meet men that are not our type and they slowly grow on us and we use the sex (when it’s GREAT) to justify being with that person. Indeed, we also have male friends and we teeter on whether we should cross the line. We have that “we just met, I had too much to drink and I accidentally had sex with him” sex. And last but not least we always have that one ex whose house we end up stopping by cause we happen to be in the neighborhood –and its only a plus that he knows how to make your toes curl. :-)
As I grow
In his book {and soon to be movie,} Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man Steve Harvey says wait 90 days...I have girlfriends who say wait a month. Personally my grandmother used to say make him pay for it! She didn’t give a time frame and no my grandmother was not promoting prostitution , but more so make him work for it, make sure he earns it, make him COURT you. Court-wow! When is the last time you heard that word in the context of dating. Been a while, right? On the other hand, I have other girlfriends that say "you will know when the time is right"…but do we really ever know when the time is right AND more importantly does it REALLY matter after a certain age??? I mean once you hit 30 do all the rules still apply. Bottom line if do women over 30 really have that kind of time? Well it really depends on what you want…
I mean besides the important questions that I have listed below what do you REALLY have to wait for? How many partners have you had? How many partners have you had unprotected sex with? Have you ever had sex with a man? Have you had any STI’s or STD’s? STI/STD stands for sexually transmitted infections/diseases {for those of you still saying VD, catch up}? When was the last time you had an STD test? When was the last time you had a HIV test? WHAT WERE THE RESULTS?
Should I or shouldn’t I? In her recent CD, Jill Scout shouts aloud "I’m making you wait for the fifth date- I need to know if you’re worthy.." I think this waiting question is personal and depends on what you are looking for before and after you have sex. What does worthy mean to you? Does it mean he passed a clean bill of health? He has a job? 1½ kids, car, house, all his teeth….what are you worth and what do you want? No I’m not saying have sex on the first night (or not) because he said yes –and has proof of his answers to all of the questions above but if a man is only our for sex what difference does it make if you give it to him on the 1st day or make him wait the long gruesome 90 days-really?
Frankly, I think the sooner the better, that way you haven’t wasted a lot of time and energy into something that he (or you) for that matter aren’t interested in developing. And you get to check out the goods-insert smiley face here _______. Who wants to wait 90 days, have bad sex and mentally you all wrapped up in a guy ready to jump the broom-only to cheat on him or divorce him cause the sex sucks-No pun intended. That relationship isn’t going anywhere. I think many times we make things bigger than what they are. It is okay for a woman to admit she has a sexual attraction to a man and keep it moving-right? If it turns out to be more, than great, you have a win win-a good relationship and good sex.
Disclaimer: Actually it takes at least 20 minutes to get a rapid HIV test and I am sure when you are at the club and you meet a guy, there aren’t too many places open that time of night to get tested. I recommend waiting at least 2 days, so he can get at the very least a rapid HIV test the next day. Then you can get it in :-)
Deep....
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