Big Pimpin..Big Mouth..

Now that I am 32, a woman of a certain age, often times in dating situations, I am confronted by ghosts of my past.  I think that men (and women) would expect that you have lived a little and are a little bit experienced in the world of dating.  I suspect at my age, many men (and women) have been around the block once or twice…heck maybe even the neighborhood.

I would hope that a woman my age has dated many types of men.  I’m talking about men in different career fields, age brackets, financial statuses, ethnicities, heights and backgrounds.  I would hope that they would have had the benefit or unfortune -of being in a long term relationship, a one night stand -or more-#dontjudegemethem or have the benefit of being the heartbreaker themselves.  A woman should have lived a life, that is Rated X enough to share with her girlfriends, too Rated R to tell her children but rated PG-13 enough to tell her grandchildren.  Yes!  But what about your next significant other…

In the midst of all these experiences is that "do I tell him factor".  I find that disclosure is a touchy subject.  No matter the number of men you have dated its going to be too many for him.  No matter how handsome you thought the last guy was, the new guy is always going to hate on him.  No matter how much money he had the next guy is gonna claim he wasn’t “really getting’ money”.  No matter how happy you were being free or in your last relationship, the new guy is going to point out that is wasn’t always peaches and cream.. 

When it comes to disclosure, do you really tell all?  Do you tell him how many times you had sex with the last guy, went on trips with the athlete, the businessman who cheated on you, the sugardaddy who “took care of you”?  Do you tell him how many different and erotic places you have had it-the penthouse floor of a local hotel, the park, the car?  Do you tell him all the positions or do you just act like you only know the misisionary position and that you won’t entertain the thought of felatio unless you are married?  Do you tell him about the heartache, the sandy beaches, the sleepless nights, the other women, the jewelry, the parking lots, the bail fund or do you just shut YOUR BIG MOUTH.   I mean do you deny something that once was or acknowledge it and all of its intricate details- and hope he still thinks you are cool enough with the Virgin Mary that you are practically a Saint yourself.

Quite frankly, I despise the so "who is he", “why didn’t you tell me" or "did anything happen between you two" questions?  GTFOH.  Grow some balls.  I am with you NOW-I mean at least at this minute I am.  Why does my past concern you?  No, I haven’t always used condoms, yes, I have recently had an HIV test, yes I have had an STD check, yes I know my status and yes, we should get tested together.  Frankly that is all you need to know and frankly what I did with him is none of your business-even if I wonder what it would be like if you and I were on that same rooftop and had some chocolate syrup and …..

I digress.

Ladies, do we talk about our big pimpin’ or do we keep our big mouths shut.  There is nothing worse than having your dude find out about something in the past by someone other than you...but does our past really matter.  I mean if what I did in college is based on our future-Houston we have a problem.  Do you really need to know I needed money to pay my rent and I dated the biggest drug dealer in the neighborhood? Or that we became business partners because he wasn’t ready for a relationship?

I think in 2011 men should know that women have lived and experienced lots of things.  The older you are the more you have experienced.  I also believe that men and women can genuinely be friends-even after they have dated or screwed.  I think past relationships and rendezvous should be discussed when it comes to health issues, danger or ongoing situations for example if you have a child by an ex.  If I dated him, then pay attention to the “ed”.  Dated.  Not dating. It’s over.  Scram with all of your crazy thoughts and insecurities.  I’m with you now.  If I tell you everything about everybody then you would think I wasn’t the woman I am, when in fact those experiences make me the woman I am. The reason I don’t take no ish from you is because of this one and that.  The reason I question some of your business ventures its because I dated this one and that one.  The reason I know how you like it and how often you like it is because of this one and that one…The reason I get quiet and shut down to diffuse an argument…it’s because *in my Wendy Williams voice* “Mother has lived”.

Listen Mr.  I am dating you now…I am disease free and debt free.  The world is small but know I haven’t dated any of your friends or family…and that is what important. I am living my life like its golden.  You have two choices you can come along for the ride and stop asking questions or be placed in the “ed” box.  Life is too short for you to keep bringing up my past-especially after I have answered your damn questions. The real issue is that you are a cheater, a womanizer and you think I am Karma coming back for vengeance.  No boo, my name is Phillysugamamma, not Karma.  Karma-she lives down the street.  My answers won’t change (I remember all the little white lies and I have a great long term memory).

Keep pimpin’ ladies …and shut your mouths…the past is the past…