To settle or not to settle...

...Clearly whoever said 30 was the new 20 never met 32...

Hi and welcome to the Adventures of Phillysugamamma and yes that is how I spell it!  Prepare to be entertained, amused, saddened, depressed, overwhelmed, frustrated and happy all in one location!  Yes, those are my everyday mood swings and you are welcome to come along for the ride.  My only rule is #dontjudgeme.

I don’t know what got into me this morning, but all of a sudden I had a sudden urge to "blog".  For what reason, I have no idea.  In the past I thought about writing a book about my life, in hopes that I could help someone or maybe even entertain them…but then reality television came along…and well there went that dream.  I guess I have something to share with the world, that I can seem to get out in 140 characters-damn you Twitter or 420 characters-Facebook...in other words, I have a big mouth and want you to know what I know and feel the way I feel.  Yes, I am now the boss of you, me ---> Ms. Phillysugamamma

Anyway back to me...because it is always about me.. I am a 30 something 25 +7 African American woman, a Philadelphia native and I am on the move! Literally and figuratively.  I am interested in a lot of things, passionate about various causes, a lover of celebrity gossip, a caregiver, a sister, a friend, a director and unmarried.  I like to socialize, network, help others and above all have a good time.  As of lately I find that my days are long and my nights even longer.  I am unsure about my next move...career wise specifically and my life in general.  So much to do, so many souls to save and there is only one me.  More and more I am feeling like I need to "settle down". 

But what in the hell does "settle down" mean?

I currently work in the non-profit/public health sector.  I enjoy what I do.  It allows me to make small changes in the world around health disparities and populations I am fervent about…but I often wonder when do you know you have found the career or job that you are destined to be in forever.  Forever is a mighty long time.  When I tell folks I have been at my present company for 6 years, they are shocked.  When I tell them I have always worked in the same field-they are intrigued! I mean wake up people, do you just get a job at a company and hope it works for the best?  How long do you stay? When do you leave?  Do you wait until they fire you?? Do you adjust to the highs and lows of changes in administration and management?  Do you just settle?


The down fall of being committed to public service and helping others is the disappointment that comes with feeling like a failure when they fail.  Family, friends and strangers-they all do it. In other words when they prove to you over and over again they do not want to help themselves.  I have a friend who shall remain nameless; actually we will call her Cee-Cee.  I think I have done everything for her except "be her and live her life".  I can’t seem to get her on track.  I mean there is nothing more that I can do.  I've given her tough love, I've tried the "let me get you started route", I have showered her with endless love and RESOURCES ($$$) and to no avail-FAILURE.  Am I enabling her?  I mean at some point don’t you want BETTER for yourself?  Don't you want to be on your own?  Haven't you learned your lesson(s)? Why do you keep doing the same stuff over and over and over and over again? Or on the other hand, there are times when I wonder why she isn’t doing anything at ALL.   When do you decide that you have helped enough folks?  When is enough enough?  When do you ask yourself, why do I keep helping this person over and over and over again? When do you throw in the towel and say that you are done helping/saving/taking care of/bailing out this person?  Do you just settle on the fact that they are going to be who they are no matter what and say fuck it!

Earlier I mentioned my age…currently all of my friends are married, getting married, in heavy duty serious relationships, having kids, and more kids and talking about MOVING to different school districts/cities/states-meanwhile they are unhappy.  They have given up their former lives-no more parties, happy hours, public service projects, dating girl’s night out…and they are simply miserable.  They are living the "IhavetogetmarriedandhavekidsNOWwithapicketfenceandadogandnicecarinasuburbanneighborhoodsohewilldo syndrome.  And me...in Facebook terms...well "it's complicated".  I don’t know what the issue is.  Maybe my standards are too high, many I wasn’t meant to have "all of that", maybe my blessing is coming in a different package. Or maybe I have commitment issues.  I mean clearly today on Twitter I proudly announced I would blog once a week...I mean who does that?  Aren't you supposed to blog daily or when you have thoughts to share...clearly I have thoughts more than once a week...but was I scared to say I would blog more than once a week.  Why did I have to set “rules” and “standards” on my blogging?  Was I afraid, like many men I have dated that I would get bored with it (them) and not want to be bothered.  Was I afraid that I would get all wrapped up in this newfound blogging relationship and forget about my old friends- Mr. 420 and Mr. 140 character counts and settle for this blog as my only means of expression...or like many of my failed relationships did I hold back my feelings and thoughts for fear that the blog spot would dump ME thinking a better blogger was going to come along.

Carrie Bradshaw once said "Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies"  I have to be honest with you.  I want butterflies.  I NEED butterflies.  I want butterflies when it comes to dating, when it comes to my career, when it comes to my life's work, when it comes to sex, when it comes to shoe shopping...  I think butterflies are a MUST HAVE.  To me butterflies symbolize something good is happening! When I think of butterflies I think of passion, progress, excitement, change, want, need, fulfillment...I could go on but I think you get my point. 

I am not willing to settle or let others settle around me.  If you want butterflies every day then join the movement.  Get your arse up and start moving.  I want to look back and say wow...I did it, it felt good and still get butterflies when I reminisce.

Today I proclaim that I, Phillysugamamma, am not settling for anything less than butterflies...

I hope you do the same.